About me

So you want to know more about this serotinous seed?  Serotiny.  It is the term given to a group of seeds or pine cones that only open up and germinate after they have been exposed to the excessive heat from a fire.  I was always facsinated by this concept.  In the midst of total destruction, while everything else is being consumed by the fire…this select seed actually wakes up, opens, takes root and begins the process of creating a new green forest again.  At this point in my life, I can relate.  I feel as if I have survived an all consuming fire.  At the time I was quite certain I was going to be consumed by it.  But I am finding I not only survived, I am waking up for maybe the first time.  I am ready to open and bloom.  Yea…I like to take things to the extreme…I am not just a late bloomer…I am late AND had to be nearly emotionally charred to death.   

I am a single mother of two great girls.  I am a nature nut – probably why I even know about serotiny and feel a kin to it.  I write music and books and have dreams of publishing them or doing something constructive with them some day.  Based on the number of bajillion blogs out there I guess like everyone else in the world I feel like I have something to say.  I am not so sure anyone wants to hear or even cares what I have to say with all the other ramblings out there, so I am doing this blog for me.  So what I will say here is going to honest, introspective and hopefully insightful to me and anyone else that stumbles upon here and makes time to read it. 

This will hopefully document my journey of being recently divorced and a complete mess last year to slowly picking up the pieces and getting my act together and moving on.  Growing up with a schizophrenic/bi-polar mother, and a victim of a few women’s crimes I have lots of life experiences of pain and sadness.  But just surviving these events have made me who I am, and as you will find I have quite a twisted sense of humor and find humor in nearly every situation I can.  Though I have had those traumatic experiences, my focus is on the future, and moving forward and happiness.  But, if I feel like some of these experiences are appropriate to talk about to help someone else I am all for it.  I am interested in turning darkness into light, getting up out of the mud and moving beyond the sad places that I have resided in before.  As a mom, I don’t have that luxury.  It’s time to shine…for them and for me.    

This is my first attempt at something like this, so although I have some idea of what I want this to be about I will probably find my direction as I go.  But the only thing I do know is that it will be real.  As I mentioned before…this is for me.  This is me licking my wounds and doing something for myself.  It seems I have tried to be what everyone else wants or needs me to be.  That hasn’t gone over so well.  So this is me taking a first step towards some kind of freedom.  One thing I have learned so far is that even though we may be surrounded by tons of people in our lives, we really are on our own single journey and essentially alone.  That always scared me before, but I understand it now and rather being afraid I want to be brave and comfortable and ok with me.  If you’re reading this, I hope the same for you. 

This will be an interesting journey.  This seed has begun to open up, but I’m still just a twig taking root that could be easily broken or plucked up.  I have great hopes and aspirations to be a great, strong tree that my girls can lean on and find safety in.  Let’s hope for the tree.