The Good, The Bad, and the Perception

My Top 10 reasons I like being a single mom

10. I have saved a small fortune in toilet paper.  ??? and, Ewww!  What is up with that?  Is there some kind of study out there that can support this theory of mine that men have some kind of fiber gene that helps them out?  I mean…have you EVER seen a man on one of those Activia commercials?  Ok…enough already, but a noteworthy and strange enough phenomenon to keep on the top ten list (Honorable mention – the sinks and toilets stay much cleaner!).

9. No more waiting around on someone else’s agenda…Just like Dr. Seuss put it best in Oh the places you’ll go…the waiting place is the most dreaded places of them all.  Now instead of waiting, we are actually LIVING.   Also strangely enough, and positively, he admitted himself that he is a more present father than when we were married.

8. I know where my tools are!!!  AND I don’t have to be afraid to use them and offend or embarrass anyone. 

7. I hear that I am pretty more now than I ever did when I was married.

6. Listening to music I like.  However, I am starting to lose this battle now with my 8 year old. 

5. I don’t waste hours of my life watching TV – just to sit with someone to feel like I am close to them (Now I waste hours of my life blogging and feeling close to a few hundred someones).  Although, I do admit watching some kid shows just to snuggle and provoke interesting conversations with my girls.  My oldest recently discovered Touched by an Angel and Little House on the Prairie reruns.  They have been great chat starters and is such a refreshing step above Dora the annoya. 

4. I get ME time.  This was very hard initally, especially after not really having it before.  Now that I am over the guilt and getting the hang of it, the hardest part is figuring out HOW to spend it…oh so many ways…

3. I can be my goofy, corny self – and make up silly jokes and parodies without getting that “you are so stupid” look.  This also means I can use the dustbuster on my 2 year old without any rolling of the eyes.  On the flip side…I don’t have to listen to random lines of movies I have never seen (because I have not logged in as many pointless hours watching every film known to mankind) and feign laughter or feel stupid for not knowing what the heck the person is talking about.  

2. Rediscovering flirting!

1. The awakening, the clearing of the eyes, the stirring up of the soul.  The realization that the things you want to accomplish most in life are not going to fall out of the sky…you have to make it happen.  And most importantly – happiness is a choice.  (Yes…did you see that?  I crammed like 5 good points all in the number 1 spot).

Of course there are so many negatives to being a single mom.  I don’t want to dwell on it here, but I can highlight a few of the things that hit me hardest.  Number one and most obvious – the foundation of the family rock that has been ripped right out from under my girls’ feet.  My girls will always carry the burden and pain of having to “miss” someone…this is a pain that I knew as a child and prayed my children would never have to experience.  This part sucks the most.   

But there are some odd and minor times that it hits me too, like: Trash day – taking it out and bringing the empty bins back (why does this make me feel lonely?); Putting groceries away; Sitting in church alone and feeling like EVERYONE else in the entire congregation is apparently married;  Eating dinners alone…night after night; Changing lightbulbs way up high; Those times when everyone in the household of 2 kids 2 cats and a dog all need you at the same time; Realizing that no one really cares where you are at any given time (except my girls – which are thee most important thing to me, but admit it – it is a different feeling to know that someone out there cares for you “just because”…not out of genetical linkage); Lonely Sundays when everyone on the globe is having family time. 

Oh, for crying out loud…didn’t I just say I wasn’t going to dwell on it?  Geesh.  But you know…even these things are losing their sting (except the foundation thing).  I also realized how much I did all those things alone anyway when we WERE married.  The truth is, he was gone so much – all he did by leaving was to officially cut the cord.  He was already gone months if not years prior to him physically leaving.  And honestly, in many ways these things are actually easier being single.  Now I have no expectations, or let downs – I know that no one else is going to help and that I have to do it.   Too many times he was physically here, yet mentally or emotionally 1000 miles away.  Being lonely right beside someone is WAY worse than being lonely because you are actually alone.  Myheart aches for all the lonely wives out there.  My only suggestion to you is – don’t isolate yourself.  

Even as I look out at the sea of happily married couples, the truth it, nothing is at it seems.  We all have our issues.  There is no perfect marriage and being single is not all it’s cracked up to be…we are not perfect people.  Though I would have preferred hanging in there, fighting the good fight and being temporarily miserable with my mate now and then, I didn’t get to make that choice.  So, I can either focus on what I don’t have, or realize that this is a new beginning.  I don’t have to make exuses for him anymore.  I am released.  Though I have been known to live vicariously through some of my married friends, the funny part is…they are doing the same to me! 

So where ever you are…IT’S ALL GOOD!!!  It’s YOUR choice to be happy!  The grass is not greener anywhere else…and if it really is, it’s just more to mow.  So just be thankful and bloom where you are planted.

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One thought on “The Good, The Bad, and the Perception

  1. Okay, this made me cry too! I’m reading these blogs backwards by the way (most recent first then next recent and so forth). You are right, married or single, we all have our issues and at times live through each other vicariously. The good news is that we ALL do have One who cares about us “just because”. That’s probably why spending time out in nature is calming to you….God is hugging you.

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