The White Flag of Victory

Here’s the new quote of the day:

Once you finally realize that no one is listening, then you will probably be heard.

I used to have so much to say. I am struggling with what to blog next. I am just so peaceful, so thankful, so happy. It’s like I was giant volcano that was flowing for a year and then finally exploded…now there just isn’t much left. Only the peaceful, quiet aftermath. Like the unnatural silence after St. Helen’s exploded.

I have entered a new phase. A peaceful, quiet phase. A very content place. A place I never knew existed and I am not sure how long I will get to stay here in this hidden paradise.

I blogged for a year because I needed a voice. I had to reveal my deepest secrets. I had to get it out. I had to admit the truth in a lot of areas that I pretended just never happened. I had to attempt to make sense of it.

In the end, the only thing that brought peace was acceptance. But not an angry acceptance. An honest, acceptance with joy. My favorite book of all times is called Hinds’ Feet on High Places. The author calls it the ABC’s of love.

Acceptance with Joy

Then there is Bearing with love. After you can accept things the way they are in a joyful manner, then you can bear the burden with love. Because you see things in a whole different light. And you also realize, you are not really bearing the burden alone – or at all for that matter.

and I honestly never knew what the C was because she is vague about it, but I might guess it is Contentment.

If you have the first two in an honest capacity…it brings forth Contentment.

I have read this book over and over for 10 years or more. I have studied it. I have prayed about it. I have wished to have this transformation in my own life. But never experienced it until a few months ago.

It’s because I was still trying to make sense of things that sometimes just don’t make sense. Terrible things happen to good, innocent people sometimes. There is no “making sense” of it. My mind never stopped working – trying to piece the puzzle together to solve a riddle in which there were no answers. I was so lost. So tormented. So restless and unguided.

Maybe I wanted justice. Maybe I wanted revenge. But all my actions up until 2 months ago were all focused on what I could do or what other people could do to settle the score or make things right. And most of the time in life – that just doesn’t happen. And even if it did…then what? Even a sorry cannot change the past or give back what has been lost.

I had to wave my white flag. Usually a white flag means surrender. Which also mean defeat. But sometimes it is much wiser to wave the flag and save many lives than to continue to fight a losing battle until all is lost.

There have been several stages of surrender in my life leading up to this big one. I realized a few years ago that I was on a sinking ship of a marriage. I had to wave my white flag to save me and my girls. I had to wave my white flag and realize that I could not save my mother from herself and her mental illness and imprisoned mind that she is trapped within. I had to realize that I cannot make people act a certain way or respond how I might hope.

But I still didn’t let go completely. I waved my white flag with clenched teeth and white knuckles. I did it with my brain, not my heart. I did it with discipline, not humility.

But everything changed 2 months ago. My heart got it.

Again – details are not important. The result is. A transformation. A surprising twist to the story – that with God, surrender is not defeat, but victory.

Can I get a witness? Amen. lol. Ok…no, I am not really that girl.

But just like sometimes there is no logical answer for the horrible things in life – maybe there doesn’t have to be a logical answer for the really good things in life either.

(Pause…or paws…for an interlude here. My cat just fell asleep on the side of my keyboard…while I was typing! Yes, Charlie, I am tired too baby. It is time for sleeping.)

So – I’ll leave you with the thought of “““““` ok- that was Charlie’s nose…

I think it’s time to give up on this blog tonight and wave a white flag of victory on this post.

Until next time…“““““““““

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