A lot of people have asked me recently…”What’s the deal? You are a whole different person…how are you so peaceful all of a sudden”?
It is true – I am a very different person now. 3 months ago – everything changed. I realized for once and for all…It is not all about me.
Depending on what side of the grass you are on – this may sound really positive or really negative. For instance:
When talking about struggles, strife, failures, family issues, etc. When you say it is not all about me – this gives you a bit of distance and peace about it. When you realize there is more to the story – you can see the whole picture and not take things so personally. This is positive.
Now…try it for victories, success, moments of glory, achievement. It is not all about me. Hmm….sounds a little different now. We want these moments to be all about us. BUT – they’re not.
We cannot have it both ways.
Once you really can achieve this way of thinking – it is such a powerful, freeing thing. But It is a perspective shift. Almost like those magic 3d pictures – where you stare at a blob of a mess then suddenly – YOU SEE IT! The 3d image jumps off the page! You get it!
Now – do not confuse this with giving up, disconnecting completely, ignoring, not dealing with, hiding, or running from the truth. These are all very destructive. Believe me…I have tried that – for like 25 years and folks – it does NOT work.
What I am talking about is a surrendering of control, getting yourself out of the way, realizing that you are just a part of a huge tapestry – not the one weaving it. You are a part of a greater picture.
It’s not easy. Our very human nature is very ego centric. We have some innate instinct to be very self centered.
For instance, how many of you think or thought that our universe was smack dab in the middle of our milky way? How surprised were you or are you to know that we are on the very edge of our milky way and that there are thousands…probably billions more milky ways just like ours stretching to infinity. From that point of view – our solar system looks completely insignificant.
But making you feel insignificant is not the goal here. Humbling you, perhaps is. Illustrating how we are just a part of a much larger picture – yes. Trying to help others – and myself – remember that it really is not all about us.
When people make mistakes and say something really stupid that could potentially offend the heck out of you…like for instance, “She should not have had that second child – she should have just stopped at one”, I can now more easily just move on and chalk that up to – that is not my problem…that is their very skewed perception.
The old me would have stewed on that one for months and even years and let it seep into my veins like poison. But the new me – the “It’s not all about me” me, lets it roll right off. Because I cannot change anything by worrying about why that person said that.
Yes – life is more difficult with two girls. But how on earth could I even for a moment entertain that kind of thinking or even try to figure it out? Do you see how freeing it can be? That comment is not about me. I cannot fix it or claim it. I just have to let that go and continue to be the best mommy I can be to this amazingly frustrating and extremely rewarding little gift of a beautiful child.
On the other hand – consider this during a moment of victory. I recently bought a house, a car, a new piano…all on my own finances. But still…I didn’t get there all alone. I had an army of supportive friends cheering me on along the way, helping me move, coming over and celebrating this new chapter. It is not all about me. We are in this together. How selfish it would be of me to not acknowledge and recognize all the wonderful people in my life that carried me along the way.
And what do you know? I have established the best friends I have ever had by this kind of thinking. We are more connected, more deeply bonded and more honestly vulnerable than ever before. Because…yes…it is NOT all about me.
I am so much happier now. Every day truly is a gift. Not a drag. I was so wrapped up in the details of life and how I might be able to control or influence everything…and it is down right exhausting and destructive. You will be very miserable if you live your life this way. I know first hand.
So there is my little secret to a much happier life. Some of you have already figured this out and this is nothing new to you. In fact…you are probably shaking your head a laughing, thinking…”duh!…Finally you get it, you knucklehead”.
But hey – better late than never. Because I know some very old, unwise and immature adults that still think the world is all about them. And that is about the saddest and scariest thing I can imagine.
Because life is not all about YOU! It’s all about…ME!
lol…just checking to see if you were still reading.