Who could have guessed that I would be at such a peaceful place that I almost forgot the complete anguish and devastation that I had felt only 2 years ago. 2 years! And how did THAT happen? Wow.
Surrender. Acceptance. Faith. And once these are in place – real love and hope can do it’s work. Until real surrender and acceptance is gained – I really think that true love is questionable. Because without those two key things…love is more of a give to receive thing…conditional and superficial. Sadly, many people never get to the point of real surrender and acceptance and live a life of incompleteness…love based on actions or expectations.
So – in my transformation, I have gone from being a broken, devastated, shell of a person to…a strong single mommy that is able to counsel others! WOW! I am living proof that hearts CAN mend. Even a very defeated, mangled, half dead heart.
My 3 year old has recently found some fascination with the story of Humpy Dumpty. She has a lot of good questions. Like…why couldn’t he be fixed? Maybe I had never really thought about it on such a deep level before, but I had never really seen myself in that story until recently. And I had never seen how truely sad and hopeless his plight was before.
Yes, of course, Humpty is a great teaching story of why eggs shouldn’t be on walls…or little girls jump on beds for instance. Sometimes bad things happen…and sometimes they can’t be fixed.
Sometimes sweet, beautiful little children die of cancer. Sometimes a car goes left of center. Sometimes a plane falls from the sky.
Sometimes a marriage disentagrates, for instance. All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put my marriage back together again. If by all the kings horses and men – I mean…me, my spouse, a marriage counselor, the children, the promises, family members, friends and pastors. It all came down to the lack of surrender and acceptance. Surrendering ourselves to each other, surrendering our stubborn wills, agendas and expectations. Accepting each other for who we are and loving each other through it. Without that solid foundation…no kings, horses, or magic wands can save any marriage. Only the two people on that precarious wall can save it.
But hearts on the other hand…individual hearts CAN be healed. It may take years and years. In my case – it has taken nearly 40. Not 40 YET!! Just…almost. Everyone has their own time table. But it can happen. Anyone that knows me, knows that it is true. A miraculous reconstruction took place.
I fell off a wall…or in my case, it might have been more like a high horse, but anyway…I was knocked down to size in a billion tiny pieces of sadness. It was years in the making. Shattered shell – all over the place. Egg on the face, a potentially irreversible mistake could have ended my story just like Humpty’s. Poor Humpty.
Abandonment, abuse, rape, molestation, secrets, lies, loneliness and eventually anger, bitterness and resentment. If I was Mrs Humpty…I would have probably been a really rotten, smelly egg. I would have knocked the kings horses and men out – they couldn’t have saved me because they would have been rendered completely useless. lol.
And – honestly – they were. No one could have saved me from that fall but the King himself. He took the broken pieces and put them back together – even better than before…cracks and all. Now I am a mosaic of pieces that make a whole picture. Where as before…I was in one piece, but didn’t see the whole picture.
But that’s just my take on things. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. You can call me a quack…or say I am all cracked up. Go ahead. I know eggzactly what you’re thinking. Gag…really? Puns now? Terrible yokes? Am I THAT tired?
Back to point. Sometimes we can’t change certain events. We can’t stop death. We can’t go back in time and change things. But we can decide how to move forward…and how we are going to live with those events in our lives. Constructively or destructively.
We can live with the broken pieces and keep waiting for someone to come along and pick the pieces up for us…or we can surrender it, accept things the way they are…and find peace – in the pieces.