I had a major life changing event over a year and a half ago. It was one of those cross road events that could have been a complete and disastrous tragedy. But thankfully, it turned out pretty miraculous. I experienced a sense of peace and contentment that I had never known before.
At first I was pretty skeptical…like walking out onto a frozen pond for the first time…kind of wondering when it will crack and all fall in. I approached each day, week and month as if this new found peace might disappear and crack beneath my feet any minute.
But almost 2 years later…here I am. Still at peace. Amazing.
Some of you know and followed my blog for years. You know the torment and struggles I wrestled with for years as I faithfully posted my thoughts and feelings – right or wrong about my perspective on things. At the time I had so much secret pain locked up inside. I had the need to blog it out.
Once I reached that turning point of peace, acceptance and content…it’s like I have had no real need or desire to say anything else. Like Forrest Gump kept runninggg, I kept writinggg. And just like one day he stopped runninggg, I also just stopped writinggg. There was a desire and need to do something…and then there wasn’t.
But I still love writing. It’s something I haven’t done in a while. Every time I have tried to write a post, it just felt contrived – or more…I felt like…who cares? Yet, lately, I have felt the desire to start writing again.
So…this is my attempt to stick my foot into a different pond. This time more like…let me dip this toe in and see how it goes. Then, maybe my ankle, and calf…and so on. Have no preconceived notions…just curious. Curious to see what voice I find this time.
I no longer have the need for emotional rants of self therapy. This would be a whole different chapter. A chapter of positive views. Still the same, honest, raw and self-deprecating sense of humor, still the same girl – just one that has overcome so many obstacles, rather than still tripping over the same ones.
So…here is my first post in almost a year. A first attempt to once again be faithful in documenting the life of a silly girl, a blessed mom, a once lost soul but now living with eyes wide open, learning, and now laughing and loving as much as possible along the way.
Not that I ever wrote for the sake of a fan base. The fact that anyone read my blog…(and I am even more astounded that even though I haven’t posted anything for almost a year…people still read it) really blows me away. Yet tells me I have struck a chord with a few someones out there.
But I wonder how things will change now that I am at peace and there is no more wrestling and turmoil.
Let’s see how it goes. Phase 2, experimentation begins today.