Following up on my ree-donk-ulous and uncanny ability to fall in the most ridiculous and uncanny ways, I have two new stories. Now, my dad earned the first name of Crash Lander, but that had to do with cars and is a whole different story…but as you can see, I am slowly making my own name. He should be so proud.
Now, you have to really picture this stuff in your mind to get the most of this.
A few months ago I was coming in from the garage. Now, we don’t have an official “drop zone” in our cozy little house. We have a small hallway that we have managed to fit coat hooks, key holders and an organization station with a calendar and pockets to hold all our important paper stuff.
When I mean small I am talking about a sweet cozy little house built in the 1950’s…the entry way was an afterthought and was purely designed for one function – getting to the garage. It was not really designed as a drop zone. There is not enough room for two kids to get through at the same time. I am not even sure the door is a standard size…it feels like Barbie doll house size really.
So one day I enter the house in my normal pack mule fashion…carrying all my stuff and 2 kids’ stuff…including my computer bag, my purse, two back packs, school projects…you get the idea. I am tired. No…I am exhausted.
You already know how graceful I am naturally, not carrying anything. Add to it all – my girls were trying to squeeze their way through on either side of me to see who could win the coveted prize of getting to the bathroom first. I bent down to put some shoes on the floor. Mistake number one.
On my way back up, one of the back packs I was carrying gets caught on the coat rack screwed into the wall. This started it all…I fall off kilter, but can’t stop the forward motion of my upward ascent or I might fall down the stairs, so I proceed upwards and rip the entire coat rack off the wall complete with everything that was on it.
So I have this coat rack and stuff hanging off the top of a back pack now.
In order to not fall or drop anything and maim one of my children, who consequently, are curiously dazed by all this and have now stopped in their tracks right in the middle of it all, I grab for a wall to steady myself, but accidentally grabbed on to the key holder that was also securely fastened to the wall…mistake number two.
This key holder is a heavy wood box, and IT starts ripping off the wall at an angle and pushes into the wall organizer holding all our precious papers and calendar and stuff…which then starts to ALSO rip off the wall…OMG! STOP – STOP it all from happening!!! Who can save us now?! Hurricane Lee has hit the coast and is destroying everything in its path!! Save the children!!
Dun, dun, dun, duuuun! It’s Super Will to the rescue. He grabs me…and all the contents of the entire entry way and steadies me. Everything is now suspended ever so carefully within both our arms. One false move and everything comes crashing down…
Breathe. Don’t breathe too much. Don’t laugh…Don’t move. NO…don’t laugh!! Don’t do it!!
And…yeah…I can’t. I look into his eyes and realize how wide mine were, think about how ridiculous the whole scene is and I start cracking up…down it all goes. A huge pile of seasonal and daily must haves that looked like something you would have seen on an episode of storm chasers…after the chaos.
But! At least the kids had been safely ushered away with a sweet and subtle, “Move it!! Beat it! Get the heck out of the way ya goofs!!”
And then the rebuilding began. As with any aftermath, there are lessons learned. Will ensured after that to secure things into the STUDS in his best efforts to fool proof or at least temper down any future Crash Lander episodes.
We always fight about who loves the other more. At that moment…he wins. I KNOW he loves me more.
Crash Lander – at her finest…
We were all at the local pool on opening day…along with…say – the entire population of the city because it was crazy hot and the only reasonable thing to do was to go to the pool. People literally at every turn.
My little one wants to have a turn at this spray gun thing at the splash pad area. She waits patiently, or not so patiently, and finally gets up there. She loves it when I run through it and pretend like I wasn’t expecting it and scream like, “Ah! What’s happening? Who’s doing that?” etc…
So, I approach the direct hit area, she beams me RIGHT in the face so I am completely blinded, I am stunned and take a small step back and right as I do, I feel a body behind me, and this body took my legs out from underneath me. Luckily she was about 10 or more – so she wasn’t a tiny frail thing.
Now, I don’t just fall, I lose my balance, fall down a little bit directly on her, and I am trying to avoid putting all my weight on her, but I am still blinded so I am groping around trying to feel for some concrete – meanwhile of course she is yelling, “My leg! My leg!…Mommy help me” so I do this maneuver to try to avoid really hurting her so I lean back and end up…of course…on my back with my feet up in their air – again! This time with my swim suit on – soaking wet in front of who knows how many people!
I get up and make sure she is ok, take her to her mom and let her know the whole story. I get back to where Will and Evie are…both are just watching me – Evie with wide eyed wonder and a repentant look because she KNEW she shouldn’t spray people in the face. Will is obviously holding back full-on laughter behind his shades. I sit down on the ledge beside the love of my life and bust out laughing SOO hard replaying the whole thing out. We laughed until it hurt. Oh…how that man loves me more.