So, apparently I am not the most graceful person. Actually, you could compare me to a female version of Kramer at times. And I have had some pretty memorable and laughable falls in my life. Here are some of the better ones.
Ski Trip Fall
It was a girls ski weekend. You know, some best friends, hitting the slopes (or small mounds) of Central Ohio. Now…a lot of people have trouble with the whole ski lift thing. I mean, come on…it can be a little tricky and intimidating, right? But most people have trouble with the exit. It’s pretty common to see novice skiers topple over at the top. But have you ever seen someone fall trying to get ON the darn thing?
Well, envision this. You know that thing just whips around like some carnival ride gone wild. So here we all are – 70 or so people converging upon the same spot like seagulls fighting for the same fish – everyone trying to get at the next chair…or the next chair…
So in all the pressure I scooted up too far – and the next lift was whipping around so to avoid getting clobbered by it, I had to lean…but instead, because my legs are strapped into concrete like boots that make bending from the waist down impossible, of course I fall. Ok…but here is where it gets really ridiculous…
Have you ever tried to get up with ski boots strapped into skis? It is not the easiest thing. So here I am, aware that 70+ people are watching and anxious to keep the line moving, so I start FLOPPING around like a fish out of water trying to get myself up! Maybe envision someone trying to do that 80’s worm thing…that might be close to what I was doing I think.
I am really struggling and I see the ski lift guy come towards me and I thought, “Oh thank you nice man” only to find out he was not coming to help me at all! He took this moment to sweep the ice debris away from the platform area!! He looks at me and says something like, “Get yourself together, Ma’am”. Bah!!
Chairs are hurtling over my head, and that is all he can do for me? Really?! So I finally managed to get myself up in what felt like minutes, but was actually only seconds and struggled/waddled my penguin like way up to the platform to catch a chair.
But in my struggle, I got my ski pole in an odd position so that when the chair whipped around to scoop us up, the pole lodged itself between my ski and the ground so I almost fell off the chair just as soon as I got on it because the force of the pole smashing under the weight of my ski was about to force me out!
So I let out another little scream as I grabbed onto the metal bar of the lift just to keep from being flung off. Not to mention the force and pressure of all that weight being pressed onto my one calf was crazy!!
After a few seconds of silence, I look over at my friends with wide eyed wonder and puffy breathing and at the same time…it’s like we replayed the whole hectic scene in our heads and we laughed until we cried all the way up the 2 minute ride to the top of a little mound.
Snow Tubing Fall
At the SAME place as the aforementioned fall. 2 years later. With the whole family. This time there are these conveyor belt like things that take you up the hill. The first few times – no problem. But after a few times I notice something feels a little different.
Around the 4th or 5th trip up…somewhere in the middle of the ascent, I lose traction…and I start sliding down this conveyor belt. Nothing can stop me…I panic…I am sliding and no matter how I place my feet or where…I keep sliding…I have zero traction.
Luckily my girls were in front of me and UPhill from the gravity that was sliding me DOWN the hill towards complete strangers. Luckily my honey, my rock, Will was between me and the complete strangers. I look at him in sheer terror and I see the confusion and shock in his eyes as we are both trying to process what the heck is going on!
I’m screaming, people are staring at me and I jump off the conveyor. The lift operator stops the thing long enough for me to get back on again thinking I just lost my balance, but the same thing happens! I start sliding again! This time Will just caught me and held onto me until we got to the top. We look at the bottom of my boots and they were complete ice…like an inch thick.
So there after…I made sure to keep kicking the ice off my boots.
Biking Fall…1st biking fall.
About 7 years ago I went biking with my niece and nephew. My oldest daughter was 3 at the time and I was pulling her behind me safely enclosed in the bike cart…(thank goodness).
We were on a nature trail, and the sun hit just right so I could see this Gi-normous spider coming down from the trees. At the speed I was going and with little room to move right or left, I had no options…I was heading right for it…it was going to land on me or my little 3 year old!!
So, with no obvious other options my brain commanded my hand to lock on the brakes. In the split seconds following that fateful move, I fly over the handle bars, skid my shoulder on the pavement, and proceed to do tuck rolls off into the grass and trees, while my niece and daughter safely watch in shock.
But…I avoided that spider, by golly.
Biking Fall – take 2!
Most people fall while actually riding their bike. Have you ever seen anyone fall off their bike simply trying to get off of it?
We were at the busiest intersection of the entire 20 mile ride. My dear husband simply asks…”Hey babe, can you push the cross walk button please?”.
Harmless enough…I’ve done it 100’s of times. “Sure!”.
But this time was different. I lost my balance, my foot got caught up on the pedal…I am not exactly sure…all I know is that I start falling…for no real apparent reason, in front of about 50 people in their cars at this intersection.
It was like it happened in slow motion…I just started falling, and then the more I tried to not fall…the more that I fell. It’s almost like I could see myself falling and there was nothing I could do about it.
I saw the faces of my husband and daughter – their look of shock and confusion – and though it felt like slow motion, it was all happening too fast for anyone to really be able to react. I was just out of reach of anyone.
And I didn’t just fall off the bike…I fell, dropped and rolled…it was like the fall that just kept on giving. In fact…I almost rolled right into the street. My head was near the edge of the sidewalk just at the street and I finally came to a halt.
And of course, it was the strangest position. There I was, head almost in the street, on my back, with my feet up in the air! Bah!! Like a dog or something.
So, I quickly get up and get on my b
ike and immediately start cracking up.
That is about when all the people who had watched this, finally let loose. Now they knew I was ok, and it was time to laugh, honk, yell things at me and wave as they drove by.
All that…and I never even pushed the darn button.